We all have expectations. Some are ours. Others belong to the people who love us, the people who raised us, the people we work with, or the society in which we live. Some give us something to reach for; others give us something to prove.
And so we pursue. We work harder, stretch further, make sacrifices, and sometimes become willing to do things we would not ordinarily consider. There is always something ahead of us, something to achieve, someone to become, or some expectation waiting to be met.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this. Much of what we become requires us to move beyond who we are today. But somewhere along the way, something can change.
The expectation that once gave us direction can begin to determine our worth. The ambition that once inspired us can become a burden we cannot put down. We become so concerned about arriving that we pay less attention to the person making the journey. We begin to measure our lives by what remains undone, our worth by what we have achieved, and our progress by how closely we resemble the person we think we ought to be.
Sometimes, we change direction because we have grown. At other times, we change because we are afraid of disappointing someone, falling behind, or discovering that what we have is not enough. The difficulty is that these two journeys can look remarkably alike. We may be making progress and losing ourselves at the same time.
Perhaps this is why we must occasionally pause, not necessarily to abandon the pursuit, but to examine it. What drives this pursuit? Why does this matter so much? What are we willing to sacrifice for it? And, perhaps most importantly, who are we becoming in the process?
These are not questions that make us less ambitious. They help us understand the ambition we carry.
We must be willing to grow, to change our minds, to learn new ways of doing things, and to become more than we have been. But we must also know what we cannot afford to lose: our convictions, our integrity, our capacity to love without keeping score, our ability to recognise when enough is enough, and the parts of ourselves that remain valuable even when we have nothing left to prove.
Not every expectation deserves our obedience. Not every destination deserves the cost of getting there. And not every version of ourselves that the world rewards is a version we should become.
Life will make demands of us. Some will be necessary; others will be impossible to satisfy. There will always be another milestone, another standard, another reason to push a little harder. We cannot always control what is expected of us, but we must take responsibility for what we allow those expectations to make of us.
It is possible to arrive at a destination we have spent years pursuing and discover that, somewhere along the way, we left behind the person who first dreamed of going there.
And perhaps the real work is not simply learning how to go further. It is learning how to go further without losing ourselves along the way.
Nugget: Do not become so consumed by the person you hope to be that you forget to care for the person you are becoming.
“We may be making progress and losing ourselves at the same time”- this hit so differently. Imagine achieving a whole lot and more, most times, the things that significantly make sense to us. And somewhere along the line you paused, looked back, and began to wonder if that are all that matter. Something inside still feels unsettled and incomplete.
It is not just enough to become more, I must become better in the ways that matter.
Because my becoming is not just about who I want to be. While I’m becoming, am I still on the right path of purpose, or am I losing it?
The true essence of becoming is not simply arriving at a desired destination, but becoming a person whose life is worth the journey.
Thank you, for sharing!
Ella, this is very lucid and thank you for sharing